psych who? ('s haiku)

thin king - source or err?
love able to(o) con science;
re: late if it lee.

in sign, if i cAn't

towering dandelion stalk of ego
oblivious to the planet atop its roots.
divisive psychoanalytical ingredient,
awesome shadow of that world,
or the trees beneath - regardless;
hue of incredible life giving fusion
and fear's face alike

Day Five

i wish my mission statement was to ride to the lincoln memorial. or to become closer to my brothers. no, not really though. money raised for good charitable cause. my friend johnpaul said to me the other day something to the effect of, 'fear of failure is what used to keep us from trying anything. that's the last fear you have to face.' well here i am and i feel awesome. my knees weren't going to make it, even tamara. coming back from the mall, the left knee felt exponentially worse than today with all the weight in tow. good decision.

i was on this stretch of uninhabited (beautiful) land, on a road twisting in three dimensions, and thought to myself how silly this is to do alone. i pictured a knee hyperextending on an uphill, and my mother's worst fear come true. i found out later over the phone that she and my father had many such practical, realistic fears yet kept quiet while it was appropriate to do so. thus i've been allowed to learn these great lessons myself. i'm glad they had that much faith in me. i want to be someone that allows all the doubts and concerns of people who love me get to my ears because those voicing them know i'll listen, not hold back because they know i'll be defensive and justify why i'm right, or why i've already weighed my options... blah blah balh.

it's clear that any faith you all had in me was with the knowledge that i'm surrounded by such parents, brothers, friends. without them the alloted optimism would appropriately be greatly lessened. i have faith in myself because of them, because of you.

i'll be back in NY trying to sort out the nightmare that is my noncompletion of my undergraduate degree.

i will continue the ride one day, picking up here in D.C. where i left off. maybe not straight to N.O., but i will ride there eventually, albeit piecemeal.

i would not have crossed the GW bridge without andy. i would not have left Philly and got through maryland without thom.

these realities are the biggest benefits of the whole thing. my brothers supported me. they made it happen.

my life is so real. hope to continue to try and prove how i appreciate my privilege.






soft weather

Day Four

Rain. Hills. FearFearFearFear.

i can handle weather no problem. hills? my knees don't know about...

I rode underneath a RIVER of singing birds early in the morning. I couldn't see where the stream of them ended.

I crossed two nonbridges, and by nonbridges i mean piles of coarse gravel mixed with some kind of manure. Yes, I said TWO - on the same road. Andy i told you the story but forgot to mention that it was twice on the same road. i saw signs that said "road closed" and "bridge under construction" miles into a road with no crossstreets amongst farms. turning back didnt' sound good, in particular because i had no idea where i was - just using a turnsheet devised thoroughly and expertly by my genius brother (thom).

anyway, i got lost because a woman i asked for confirmation of my goings didn't know what she was talking about, brought me back a mile where i had to call a cab to get to the hotel from. turns out thom's directions (and my transcription) were correct. i passed my turn in the cab, and recognized it as such. oh well. she tried. after all, i'm trying and that's it. trying and failing is better than not trying. i'm realizing this more and more. i am realizing that the truth that our effort has accomplished its goals is real. this ride is just details. it's more for me than anything. like i told myself from the beginning of the idea a year and a half ago, this is a selfish enterprise because of all i will get out of it. i've already gotten so much.

the ride is symbolic, not practical. i won't beat myself up for using cabs when in a jam.

the photos are from day three. bridges. cisco, they are for you.

peace and gratitude